Look, people… stop being afraid to say what you’re thinking, … what you really feel!

When she asks you “does my bum look big in this?”, don’t be afraid to say “yes, but that’s because you’ve got a big arse, love;- it’d look big in anything, you know?” (and possibly tack on “of course, you know I like it that way…”)

When she asks “do you like my new haircut?”, don’t be afraid to say “no, it makes you look like a lesbian. I used to think that lesbians were hot, but you just arsed that one up for me, didn’t you? Nice one, thanks! … Oh, I’m being sarcastic by the way. Had to tell you that, as girls don’t recognise sarcasm. Y’know,… just like Americans”.

And if she ENDLESSLY asks you about turning that engagement into a marriage, when the debts are going to be cleared, when you’re going to “make good on that commitment”, because Christ she’s been waiting forever – starting about a week after you put the fucking ring on her finger, … then run… run now and run very fast.

That’s all the advice my drink-addled mind can currently give. Why I feel the need to give advice right now, I don’t know. And by the way – DO, please note that my advice right now is probably worth precisely fuck-all

I’d kill for a pack of cigarettes. I’d do bad stuff for just one.

Ain’t gonna happen though!

Today is day 16 for me off the cigarettes. It hasn’t been all stress, coughing, headaches and mood-swings – although all of those have been there to some degree.

They say the first two weeks are the hardest (… don’t they?) – Frankly I’d extend that to 3 or 4 weeks – and I was never a heavy smoker. They also say that each cigarette is 5 minutes off your life (… I always used the excuse that those minutes were at the END of your life and were usually pretty shite minutes anyway, but that was a piss-poor excuse at best).

Anyway, this recent ad, from Nicorette – is VERY true… My own poor agitated brain has been jumping up and down like crazy – just like this:

… and it’s a hard thing to deal with. With the agitation and the craving comes occasional migraines and times where it’s hard to think straight. The main difference is that I do believe it can be done with will-power alone;- I’ve never used patches, gum or any other nicotine replacement therapy. I’ve just gone “cold turkey”, as they say.

Mind you, as I said, I wasn’t a heavy smoker to begin with – but after 13 years or so, I’d definitely build up SOME mental dependancy on them. On the up-side, after a week or two of having a pretty bad cough (my lungs clearing the crap out – I presume), I’m breathing much easier now and actually managed to take the dog for a walk yesterday without coming home breathless and tired.

Oh, and things taste better… although that can be a bad thing too – I was already about a stone heavier than I’d like to be at the start of the new year – now I’m 9 pounds heavier again!

Oh well, I guess resolution no. 2 will help there…